Online dating isnt for everyone

It's dishonest, dull and way too technical for something that shouldn't be so systematic. While I didn't realize this till months later, I was simply unhappy with my life. I was using the idea of dating as an escape from my own life because well, it's an easy distraction, and even easier the more venues, or apps, you have to keep the hunt alive. I don't think this is necessarily true for everyone facilitating these tools, but I do think it's way more common than many people realize. It's another numbing device in the avoidance of ourselves.

Focusing your attention on others as a way to not look in the mirror, and find what is truly wrong, hurting or uncomfortable at this moment in our own lives.


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It's really easy to think that when you find someone a lot of your issues will just subside or disappear, but the truth is until you start to work on you, you'll never be happy, coupled up or single. One of the hardest things to do is look in the mirror and be honest with yourself because there usually is a lot of sadness, confusion and disappointment.

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However, when you finally admit this to yourself, you take the first step to changing all of that. Thinking about who I could meet, having numerous conversations with multiple people and trying to keep up with all of it was exhausting. Call me old-fahsioned, but I think there is something beyond romantic about meeting someone, one person, and courting each other. Finding out about each other, focusing on just him and seeing where it could go. Having Larry, Moe and Curly in the wings just kept me unnecessarily anxious, unfocused and a part of the three stooges.

As I chatted, met and repeated each of these steps with guy after guy, and there even was one named, Guy, I found myself constantly sitting across the table from someone, who wasn't on my page. Maybe it was the guys I was swiping right to, the app I was choosing to facilitate or any other number of reasons, but it seemed like most of these men didn't actually want a relationship.

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10 Reasons I Quit Online Dating

They wanted someone to have dinner, a conversation or sex with, but not actually a relationship. Winning meant different things to different people, but it never felt like there was two winners at the end of it all, and in my opinion, there is no point in taking part in anything where you don't have two winners. I truly believe it's either two winners, or two losers and the later played out far too frequently in this unwinnable game. In the end we all have the right to do, act and say as we please, but as I had swam through the never ending pool of virtual daters, I found myself tired, numb and even more bored than when I had started.

I didn't like the shallow conversations I was having to have over and over again. I didn't like the lack of emotion that was fostered through staring at my screen for hours, and I didn't like that I felt bad day after day about not finding what I had been searching for. After being off all dating apps for about a year, I can honestly say I am more at peace with my life, my love life and myself.

I have met some great guys in real life, "organically," if you will, who have showed me that there are some great ones still out there, and you don't need to be staring at your screen to find them. Frankly, you need to be doing the opposite. Look up, look around you, look all over. There are great, funny, interesting individuals all over the place: The key is to just get over yourself, and say hi. We let so many people walk right past us, sit down next to us, and stare at us, but never take a leap of faith and say hi because we don't have a buffer.

Forget about the buffer, forget about your pride, forget about everything because when you see someone in real life, and they give you butterflies, you need to honor that feeling and fly with them. Dating isn't a game, there shouldn't be rules, and the longer you stay a player the longer you just get stuck playing a video game.

In Online Dating, Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

I'm not saying quit everything all at once, but I am saying that if the thought of doing that scares you, you're probably addicted and actually do need one big break from all of them. Enjoy the process, enjoy your time and most importantly enjoy yourself because until you do, no one else is going to enjoy you either. Finding inner peace shows, and will create peace in all other aspects of your life. Whether it's dating, relationships or work confidence is gold. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.

Online dating just isn't for me. You can't help, but think, "Damn, where have you been all my life?


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This is why after 6 first dates in 5 days, I not once found myself wanting a second date. I Became Way More Shallow. I Don't Like Games. And that's exactly what all these things are, games. There are rules, directions and even moments asking if you'd like to chat, or "keep playing. I Wasn't Honoring My Truth.

7 Signs That Online Dating Just Isn’t Meant for You

It Made Me Crazy. Call me crazy because I for thinking I wanted to, or could juggle that many men at one time. No weird angle looking up shots, no close ups, no photos taken too far away where no-one can tell what you look like, no mirror shots, shirtless photos or photos with fish. The best profile picture is a head shot where you are smiling, looking friendly and approachable. Avoid showing too much skin like cleavage, short skirts or tight clothing as you will attract the guys who are looking for one thing. What you write in your profile matters!

Your profile needs to paint a picture in words of who you are and what you want. I recommend getting someone to help you or get it professionally written. It is worth getting it right as you only have one chance to make a good first impression online. You want to stand out not disappear into the background. When people read your profile they want to be able to picture themselves in your life — so make sure you paint an accurate picture. Regularly update your profile so it reflects the current you.

A deeper dating pool causes a whole other set of dating problems.

I have seen people keep the same profile for 5 years — everyone changes over 5 years and so should their profile. With this in mind it is important to put aside the time to meet someone. People are continually saying that online dating is like a 2nd job and it can feel that way. The problem can often be that we expect to go online and instantly meet someone — it rarely happens that way. Make it a priority. For more tips on this read — 11 Proven Ways to be Successful Online.

Ladies I recommend that when you go online that you set aside time in your calendar each week to meet the people you are talking to. I recommend you communicate via email for a couple of days, then talk on the phone. If the conversation is good then you can arrange to meet. This should take a week no more. The phone call is essential — if the conversation goes flat there is no point meeting in person. You may be talking to other people but so are they so the sooner you meet the better.

Meet within a week — this may seem quick but it saves a lot of wasted time. It may seem busy at first but it will pay off. And remember the good people will be snapped up. To send a good message look at their profile and find something interesting to start with. On this point make sure you have something interesting in yours for people to comment on. Ladies make an effort to give a decent reply especially when a man has put a lot of effort into his message.

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Although online dating can be frustrating, it is still a good place to meet singles. My advice to you is to be committed and invested in the process without being attached to the outcome! You Share too Much Information This is a big one for both sexes. Keep conversations light, it is not the time or the place to talk about your stuff.